Local Newspaper Headlines!

[Onslow]

Sometimes news days in local areas can be slow. With the nationals getting the big news stories, war, celebrities, political scandels, its up the little guys to mop up the rest of the days, ahem, "news".

More often than not along the lines of "MAN LOSES HAT".

Whats the big news in your town today?

Mine, quite frankly, is rather amusing.

" FIREMAN FACES DRYER STUNT QUIZ"

"AN Oswaldtwistle firefighter is to be questioned about a stunt which involved an on-duty fireman being filmed whilst spinning in a tumble dryer"

You can watch it happen here :

http://www.youtube.com/p.swf?video_id=8V-sFTRjErc&eurl=http%3A//www.lancashiretelegraph.co.uk/display.var.871388.0.oswaldtwistle_fireman_faces_dryer_stunt_quiz.php&iurl=http%3A//sjl-static14.sjl.youtube.com/vi/8V-sFTRjErc/2.jpg&t=OEgsToPDskLqn-aRVPPUVBsPbP_-s_vd

 

[Mr_Nice]

Sometimes news days in local areas can be slow. With the nationals getting the big news stories, war, celebrities, political scandels, its up the little guys to mop up the rest of the days, ahem, "news".

More often than not along the lines of "MAN LOOSES HAT".

Whats the big news in your town today?

Mine, quite frankly, is rather amusing.

" FIREMAN FACES DRYER STUNT QUIZ"

"AN Oswaldtwistle firefighter is to be questioned about a stunt which involved an on-duty fireman being filmed whilst spinning in a tumble dryer"

You can watch it happen here :

http://www.youtube.com/p.swf?video_id=8V-sFTRjErc&eurl=http%3A//www.lancashiretelegraph.co.uk/display.var.871388.0.oswaldtwistle_fireman_faces_dryer_stunt_quiz.php&iurl=http%3A//sjl-static14.sjl.youtube.com/vi/8V-sFTRjErc/2.jpg&t=OEgsToPDskLqn-aRVPPUVBsPbP_-s_vd

Thats been all over the press, it was big news

 

[Hocus Eye.]

I am rather horrified to see that your local newspaper cannot spell 'LOSES' properly.

H

 

[DarthSydodyas]

Ours is usually about a granny getting mugged.

 

[Crispy]

It could have been a wild hat beeing loosed back to its natural habitat after years of captivity...

 

[spoone]

our one is about the newbury bypass saving 9 minutes on journey time.



the cunts.

 

[Onslow]

Thats been all over the press, it was big news

I cant get my head round the fact that it made my local rag, nevermind it being big news

I am rather horrified to see that your local newspaper cannot spell 'LOSES' properly

It probably can, but i cant.
I got the english prize at college aswell.

 

[Ground Elder]

Resident's Anger Over Large Puddle screamed the front page of a local Bristol paper of a dozen years ago. The headline was not misleading - the resident was very angry about a large puddle that "has been there for several weeks now." No one else had reported a problem, but if if it didn't dry up before Autumn "someone could slip on fallen leaves and get wet".

 

[Reno]

Ours is usually about a granny getting mugged.

Living in Camden it's usually some granny getting killed for a couple of quid.

 

[Onslow]

Living in Camden it's usually some granny getting killed for a couple of quid.

Is it really?

 

[Onket]

I really want one of those blue fireman jackets.

 

[Reno]

Is it really?

This weeks headline is about a grandmother of 90 getting killed for £30 and generally it's someone getting stabbed or beaten to death. There really is no more depressing read than the local paper in Camden.

No headlines about kittens getting stuck on top of trees here. The only story involving cute animals in this weeks Camden New Journal was the one about several bunnies, ducks and guinea pigs in a childrens zoo getting decapitated by yobs.

 

[Onslow]

sounds like absoloute hell.

 

[Wookey]

My mate gets his local paper sent down from his little Scottish village every week, and we have a good laugh at 'Clothes stolen from Main Street washing line' and 'Milk robbed from doorstep' headlines.

His sister is regularly in there, last time for ripping a loo off a cell wall down at the Sheriff's office.

 

[Nine Bob Note]

"Jeans stolen from washing line"

I jest ye not

"Married man's sex shame with boy"

Local rag attempts at tabloid sensalionalism never go well.

 

[madzone]

Resident's Anger Over Large Puddle screamed the front page of a local Bristol paper of a dozen years ago. The headline was not misleading - the resident was very angry about a large puddle that "has been there for several weeks now." No one else had reported a problem, but if if it didn't dry up before Autumn "someone could slip on fallen leaves and get wet".

I haven't read todays local rag. Am I in it?


*you'll be pleased and hugely relieved to know that I've sent Mr Rhurmund an ethereal apology as his full review was published in the WMN

 

[Kenny Vermouth]

The Thanet Times, a paper which covers Margate and Ramsgate, used to come out with very funny ones.

I used to buy the paper and read it on the train up to London and regularly cry with laughter.

"Bachelor of charts" about a story that a college was teaching a popular music course.

"Piddler on the roof" man weeing off multi-storey.

"Peeing, drug-taking drunk was out celebrating birth of third child" says it all really.

"Elephant ate my pigeon"

 

[Kenny Vermouth]

I forgot there was that one in some village in Yorkshire:

"Bus route stays the same" - front page, that was.

 

[Onslow]

"Elephant ate my pigeon"

Bollox!!

 

[Onket]

I forgot there was that one in some village in Yorkshire:

"Bus route stays the same" - front page, that was.

Fantastic!!

 

[Ground Elder]

I haven't read today's local rag

Crucifixion to be Held in Causewayhead will always be my favourite Chipwrapper headline

 

[Ground Elder]

"Bus route stays the same"

That reminds me of a top local story No Problem with Bus Shelter

 

[H.Dot]

from Tuesday's SLP:

"VICTORY FOR ASBO GRANDAD"

makes a change from the usual stories about stabbings & shootings.

 

[T & P]

The only part of FHM that I ever enjoyed was the 'Little Eye on the Provinces' page in which that kind of headlines were reproduced and the newspaper in question laughed at.

Often there were furious letters from the editors of such newspapers and eventually the section was dropped from the magazine- damned shame.

"PENSIONER FIGHTS OFF BEES" was one of my favourites.

 

[Mungy]

i saw one in Peterborough in 1999/2000 that said something like "Fridge Stolen From Outside House" or something like that.

 

[Ground Elder]

"Fridge Stolen From Outside House"

I read a story recently about a man who put his old washing machine in the box his new one came in and left it in the garden for someone to steal, thus saving a trip to the tip.

 

[Matt S]

Today's Oxford Mail is "Woman Fears £933 Parking Ticket"

Matt

 

[DJ Squelch]

My favourite front page for the local newspaper was "FAT SLAGS GIVEN A GOOD SEEING TO!"













Proof

Usually its "Window pane in local phonebox cracked"

 

[Onket]

'Sorry, you can't take photos here' from the Swindon Advertiser today- http://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/swindonnewsheadlines/display.var.871751.0.sorry_you_cant_take_photos_here.php

 

[floof]

I love the pictures of inbred freaks in 'may queen' costumes or something equally trite. Only in local papers will they ever make front page.